None of these terrors even kissed the edge of the terror of meeting people who could be driving in the car next to me...
Now, truth be told, I do live in Virginia so we have an disproportionate number of rednecks represented...but my goodness, these all people are terrifying. I don't think there were more than two people in the entire class who I would trust to drive. I mean their answer to every questionable situation was lay on the horn and flip the other driver off. Does that strike you as good judgement?
Half of these people should have failed the test given at the end of the class except that the teacher told them all the questions and gave them the answers durning the course of the day and then gave them a few minutes to study prior to taking it. And with all of that you still only had to get 80% right and you could get back on the road. Some of these kids, it was the 5th offense and all they were really interested in learning from the teacher was exactly how many drinks they could have and still legally drive without getting a DUI. (For all those of you who are interested I could have 4...possibly only 3 since I am a woman who's family hasn't drunk alcohol in the last 100 years so I might have lower resistance...I found that incredibly useful since I plan to next drink....NEVER).
Now, the teacher really does deserve credit because he did teach useful information and he was actually as interesting as he could be for 8 hours (hour 4 found me slipping out the Russian notecards...but that wasn't his fault). I do feel like I could be a safer driver now that I have taken the class, but those other folk...I'm not so sure about. I really wish someone would come up to me and tell me it was really a personal class just for me and all those other people were just actors because I'm scared to drive in Virginia now...I'm absolutely terrified to drive in Utah.
С другой стороны...I miss everyone. And I really really really miss Ukraine. I'm so glad to be back with my family, but just every once in a while I think about stupid stuff like walking to school past the tank, eating kasha and cheese, or riding the metro and I just kind of want to hold my Cheburoshka doll and pretend it's Styopa. It's hard to have left a place that you loved so much and not have anyone understand. I know I talk about Ukraine way too much. I'm really sorry and I'm working on it. But I sometimes when I talk about it; I don't miss it so much.
Anyways, sorry for the diatribe/confession. I will hopefully have something better to report after I can drive again...2 more days...
7 comments:
Annilyn.
You AREN'T a loser, because it's not my style to adore and obsessively miss losers. Nothing against losers or lovers-of-losers, it's just not how I roll. But anyway, you are great. In fact, Jocelyn and I were just discussing today how I prefer Sarah to Jocelyn, and I actually like Deidre better too, come to think of it, but I like Annilyn best of all. Jocelyn of course agreed, consenting that you are indeed the best of us and everyone does and should love you at least a little bit more than all the other roommates.
I am sorry that your driving class was scary, and very sorry that I can't tell you that driving in UT will be surprisingly safe and friendly, because that would be untrue (and it's Sunday, so my religiosity quota must be filled at least somewhat and lying isn't conducive to a healthy level of religiosity). (I just realized that you left before we started joking about Sunday religiosity quotas, which makes me a little sad but also more excited to see you so we can catch up!!)
Anyway, it made me MUY HAPPY to see that you have posted again. I MISS you a lot and I like you a lot and I want you back a lot. And this is a really long blog comment. The End.
Acutally P.S.-- If your personal cosmos-supplied Styopa arrives in the mail (or via stork or poof of magical smoke or whatever) could you let me know, because I believe I'm next on the list and would like to know whether it's moving along. Thanks!
And now I make an end to my speaking.
P.P.S.--
(I have discovered lately that I am very fond of post scripts, especially the excessive use/abuse thereof.)
Upon glancing back over your post again, I just need to say that this:
Some of these kids, it was the 5th offense and all they were really interested in learning from the teacher was exactly how many drinks they could have and still legally drive without getting a DUI. (For all those of you who are interested I could have 4...possibly only 3 since I am a woman who's family hasn't drunk alcohol in the last 100 years so I might have lower resistance...I found that incredibly useful since I plan to next drink....NEVER).
is really funny and you are a hilarious individual whom I'm glad to be friends with. I'm also glad to hear that you are sober even after your sojourn in Vodka Land.
Annilyn what were you doing in a correctional driving class? Me and Deeds have been coming up with many theories, anywhere from "maybe she's taken up drunk driving since she got back from Ukraine" to "maybe she was just speeding and went to a class instead of paying for the ticket"... we want the juicy details!!
Um, oh yeah, I was wondering that too. I just got little caught up in my ramblings, as I'm wont to do. So what did happen, then? Was it road rage? I'm guessing road rage that involved being tailgated by a sucky driver and retaliating via recklessly crashing-into-them-on-purpose maneuvers.
Annie.
I love you. No cosmic Styopa yet, I will keep you posted. I absolutely love the Book of Mormon sound of your conclusion and the excessive use of post scripts. It's classy.
And it has inspired me to relate to you the story of my adventure by quoting a passage from 1st Annilyn, chapter 34.
3. It came to pass, that on Sunday morning in the first year of the reign of Obama over the land which shall be called America, my mind was somewhat harrowed up by how I had over filled my religiosity quota by reading far too much Книга Мормона the selfsame morning.
4. And as my mind was thus harrowed up, my mind was cast back to the remarks of my dear roommate who had said, "Behold, thou shall cultivate thy flaws that it may be well with thee in the land of Provo."
5. And behold, it came to pass that I as I approached the intersection, I beheld an old woman.
6. And my mind caught fast upon the idea that improper driving was an excellent flaw and I did take my car and ram it into the small old woman.
7. And the woman was seriously injured. And I did laugh evilly.
8. And behold and lo, a officer of the police was near about the land of Whitehall and did hear the blood of the woman crying unto him from the dust. 9. And he did give me a ticket and sent me unto driving school.
10. And thus we see that great are the punishments which do befall those who do cultivate their flaws.
I hope this answers all your questions.
Annilyn, you are reeeeeal great!! Your long comment trumps my long comment(s) an hundredfold!!!! I'm relieved to hear that you hit an old woman and felt no remorse...I was afraid it was something lame like you got a ticket for running a stop sign or waiting too long for baby ducks to cross or something. What a weight off my mind! It sounds like you are learning, my dear pupil, to monitor your religiosity quota fulfillment and cultivate your flaws with earnest and anxious engagement (because you tragically suffer from such a dearth of them naturally).
And I'm glad you appreciate the overuse of post scripts. Classy is PRECISELY what I was going for!
And I miss you.
< random ramblings from Sarabi >
I love you all and miss you deeply. You are all brilliant and hilarious, as opposed to myself, who simply gets obsessed with things... by the way, I have the King of Attolia song stuck in my head. I mean, Viva la Vida by Coldplay--you didn't know that was the KoA song, didja? Well, now you do.
I can't wait for fall. LIFE WILL BE FULL OF AWESOME.
Its OK that you didn't feel bad for the old lady, Annilyn, because I'll do it for you.
And remember to drink plenty of water, 'cause you never know when the kidnappers will come and drag you off to the Sahara desert. (Am I the only one who remembers this joke?)
< / random ramblings >
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